Picks, Rocks, and Dirty Dishes

Do you ever reflect on trials you have overcome in your life and find yourself proud, almost nostalgic in a masochistic sense, when considering what you did and what you learned from that experience? You find that you responded with strength you didn't know you had that had been hiding out somewhere in your bones. You realize that you handled the turbulence with grace and optimism and somehow ended up a better person instead of the damaged one you expected you would be. Anyone? I know I have been there and have found that I can actually be really resilient and positive in the midst of my personal lion's den (though of course this did not mean I was happy every day and that I mustered this courage without major help from the Lord and from loved ones).

On the other hand, I frequently find myself getting annoyed profoundly when I find a pick in my sweater. I experience somewhat of a nervous breakdown when I have a pile of dirty pans (the not-so-dishwasher safe ones, mind you!). Tonight I stumbled for the 20850345375983240th time on a rock while trail running that I grabbed the nearest stick, screamed [EXPLICIT TERM FOR BOWEL MOVEMENT] and slammed the stick on the ground in front of me. The Earth quaked and the clouds erupted, releasing millions of gallons of Mother Nature's angry tears at the tremendous pain I had caused her. Believe it or not, that didn't actually happen. As a matter of fact, my toddler caliber tantrum did little but make me look like a true blue [donkey] in front of my husband and God and every insect and raccoon in those woods. 

Does anyone else find themselves able to face life's greatest problems with courage and hope while becoming a sopping mess over the tiniest, stupidest little thing? Well, my friend, you are far from alone! I know I do (hence the previous paragraph). Those trigger hair bursts of anger over slow traffic or dropping keys are a great litmus test of deeper frustration, at least for me they are. Those little stressors accumulate like little blobs of toothpaste spit spray on your faucet, barely noticeable at first, becoming a minty crust that mucks up your previously shiny sink. Keep an eye on how those tiny things affect you! If cuss words and tantrums slip out with the ease and frequency of post-Taco Bell farts, there may be something to that. How about complaints, criticism, negativity? These reactions result from ignoring the impact that any stressful situation, grand or tiny, has on you. Quit pushing that crap down or it will bubble right back up to the surface, bursting and smelling far worse than if you had let it go before (that's the last fart joke, I promise!) 

Anyway, that was my thought for today! Today my focus is on catching myself when I want to complain or pout, as well as catching when something small is bothering me and dealing with the problem now rather than ignoring it until it becomes that 20850345375983240th straw that breaks the camel's back. Let those straws be replaced with peace, love, and happiness, man! 

When Fear of Failure Becomes Fear of Even Trying

It took me a ridiculously long time to sit my butt down and start this blog. After writing and posting just a few posts, it took months for me to start it back up. For the past few years, I had spurts of excitement and would come up with all sorts of ideas. In the past few months, those "spurts" became a nearly daily thing. Wouldn't it have made more sense if I had, well, just sat my butt down and started this blog?

As the recovering perfectionist that I confessed to being in prior posts, I have learned to ease up the reigns on myself. The problem is that at times I let myself get too comfortable with contentment. Oh, but then I "relapse", if you will, and suddenly get mad at myself for not being productive, so I get my big ideas going. At this time is around when the perfectionism lashes forward. "Oh, Hannah, you will have to work very, very hard for this to turn out well" or "That post sucks! Delete it and rewrite it now". Sometimes it is as simple as "is that really the best thing you could be writing about?" That is all I need to scare myself out of sitting down and writing.

When I was in high school, I always thought it would be cool to try theater. We had a great program at our school. I also happened to love goofing off and doing skit acting, as well as practicing my own little monologues expressing my pursuit of valor in my arguing of politics when I was home alone. I can be pretty dramatic, that's for sure! Notice the bus stops at the word "thought". I never did theater. In fact, I never even auditioned. Why? I was so afraid of not getting the part I wanted or even a part at all that I never bothered to audition.

Now, I don't lose sleep over it, but that was a little regret of mine. I ended up doing a small play in college for one of my friends who was in a directing class and I had a blast! It was about 10 minutes long and I was a bratty teenager and I loved it! Another friend of mine is really into film-making and I was, again, a teenager (a skanky one) with about 10 lines, and the protagonist in another film (not skanky). I loved it! Now I drive him crazy about wanting more parts in his movies. And to think, I could have gotten my start into not-so-professional acting at a younger age, if I had not been so afraid of even trying.

What did that have to do with the first paragraph? Some stuff, that's what! I jump around a lot, ultimately to drive my point home. I tell that story as an example of something I'm sure you can relate to in some way. Some people can faceplant on the floor of their very dreams and hop right up and carry on, but the less fortunate of us lay still for a minute.. Or a year, and hope everyone thinks we just kind of died so they don't have to make weird eye contact or suppress laughter any long. If you are a "lay there" person like me, I want to urge you to keep on going, keep on trying. I have to choose daily to either stay put where I'm comfortable or to dare to try things I might fail at. This post is an example of the latter choice, I am happy to say. Big things await you when you do! You've all heard about Abe Lincoln, J.K. Rowling (my hero), Michael Jordan, Oprah, Thomas Edison AND Nikola Tesla (ooh I put both men in that same sentence!). You even have the Trix rabbit as a prime example. If he had stopped at hearing "Trix are for kids" the first time around, we would have only had one commercial that made us a little sad. All of these people (except that poor, fictional rabbit) are now tremendous examples of success. Yeah, that's a cliched message to tell, but we forget it enough to where it's okay to repeat from time to time.

Go apply for that job you might be underqualified for. Train for that half marathon regardless of having been the kid that "got sick" every day in P.E. Move to New York and become the next Coco Chanel (but please get a source of income for that rent!). Open the prairie dog farm of your dreams! Better yet, do whatever the crap you want to do! Let yourself fall on your butt! Pick yourself up and saddle back up! If some idiot keeps reminding you that you failed despite your other victories, kick him or her to the curb! I don't care if it's your firstborn, if that kid's at least 18, do it! The company we keep will either help us pick ourselves up or will gladly hold our face down in the mud and laugh as we gurgle.

I know it isn't always that easy. Like I said, three years and a few months of obsession to get me blogging. That is why I wrote this. I am volunteering myself as your cheerleading squad. Go do neat things! Don't let yourself get so consumed by fear of failure that it becomes fear of trying.